Ultimate Surrender + Welcoming New Beginnings
My goodness, what a start to the New Year (publishing this late, it happens).
The first Full Moon of 2023 in Cancer was quite a doozy. Not only that, but Mercury stationed retrograde in late December and didn't go direct until just last week.
How are we feeling people? Drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you, or better yet to do a Tarot reading for you.
If you haven't made it over to the shop, be sure to check it out and keep your eyes out on Instagram for updates on sweepstakes, sales, and special offerings.
Now let's dive into the juicy stuff.
Surrender is a word I have felt quite close to since Winter started. *Queue the song "White Flag" by Dido (my 90s babies know)*
Peaceful road in the forest
“Don't look for peace. Don't look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender”
It seems too often we associate surrender with giving up. But, I am here to tell you that that is simply not the truth.
Truth is, letting go is powerful.
Letting go, takes strength + courage.
Letting go or accepting what is creates more space for the things that are flowing into our field. Surrender paves the road to miracles.
And while it can be quite scary some times, there is such a beautiful energy linked to this act of surrender that occurs inside the body + manifests itself in our physical realities.
The day after Christmas I took off work and planned on heading to the front range to start a tattoo session. This was a large piece I had not thought too much of, but felt deep excitement come every time I imagine investing in the art on my body, plus one of my lady friends was going to be doing it.
Needless to say, I hit the road and was making my way up the pass (curvy mountain road) in the day after Christmas traffic... when...
And I ended up in a car accident.
Yep. That's right. One of my worst fears. The second time I have ever been in a car accident. On the dangerous mountain pass road, in the day after Christmas mess... and the first thing the man said to me was, "My wife is going to kill you."
Great.
I was luckily driving solo-dolo. No partner and no dog. A random, unusual occurrence in the van-life chronicles.
The van would not move, so as I sat in the drivers seat with traffic from both directions stopped, I was being yelled at to move + told over, and over again I was going to cause another accident.
I didn't cry.
I didn't freak out.
I Dailed 9-1-1 + then called my insurance provider once I knew help was on the way.
To my own great surprise, I didn't cry until after the police report was filed, after my insurance claim was filed via cellphone, and the van had been moved over to the side of the road... once every one was gone... that's when the water works started to flow.
What was I going to do now?
This was a lot of money. What if it's totaled?
Where am I going to live?
How am I going to get around
My sweet friend that doubles as my boss came to scoop me from the side of the cliff road.
Insurance provided me a rental that was absolutely + hilariously too large and guzzled gas, but it got me from point A to point B and inspired me to one day own a truck.
Sadly, Clayton the Sprinter Van was reported totaled by my insurance.
Van-life as I knew it was a chapter that was closing... without my choice.
This is when I finally gave in to the surrender.
It's tempting to say I starting giving in because I had no choice.
But there is no truth in that... because we generally speaking always have a choice and often times not making a decision becomes our choice.
Here I chose. I chose to let the shit burn down, and be there for a moment.
I felt the uncomfortable space of being between a rock and a hard place.
No van, no plan.
Paying rent regardless because of the bone-chilling reality of this valley, and faced with an obstacle of taking all my things out of the van and getting to and from work after my rental was up.
Sheesh.
When I tell you surrendering to this universal happening was easier than gripping for control or fighting the reality, I truly mean it.
I posted a prayer on my bathroom mirror + daily started reciting it... in the morning + night to begin.
Next thing I knew it was memorized and became a ceremonial mantra for living my day-to-day.
Surrendering to the moment of where I was at opened my eyes to a more expansive view of where I could be going.
I started to lean into my intuition + trust the feelings of good that came from breath work, taking nightly salt bath soaks, and waking up earlier than I normally did.
Surrender lead me down a path of trust. Trust in myself, first. But more importantly trust in the universe + it's divine timing.
I have always felt a deep reliance on Spirit and esoteric beliefs to move me and direct me... but here I felt the need to relax into the present moment of being.
Ultimate surrender felt like breathing easy.
Peace.
Okayness- even if in the passing moments things did not seem, okay.
Ultimate surrender gently guided me to a mindset of "it is what it is" that quickly transitioned to a welcoming heart space of New Beginnings.
An abundance of research backs the concept "Change your mind, change your life..." and I am here to tell you this is my experience in my reality with what I am sharing with you.
I posted affirmations and mantras all over my little studio apartment.
I changed the music I was listening to me.
I started creating a more inspirational and motivational feed on social platforms.
I poured myself into movement practices.
I started shifting my mindset to one of acceptance (surrender) + abundance, calling in all that is for me and releasing that which was not.
So, ya. I had attached myself to this dope plan to continue living in the van and traveling around America with my pup. I still see that vision + affirm that there is a timeline that this is the reality in. What beauty.
What gratitude I feel when knowing that for some time, I lived that vision.
I explored geographically. I challenged myself in driving across the country, 27 hours of driving under my belt~ as pilot of a 2005 Sprinter Van that was built and shared by two beautiful sous.
I learned SO much. About cars, about minimizing "stuff" and cooking for two in a small space. About sharing a small space with a dog and another human, and getting used to being outside more than inside because well, Florida is hot.
Van life changed me as a person. And the transition out of van-life proved to me that surrender is powerful.
This act of allowing things to flow as energy does in our day-to-day is so much more graceful that conspiring a plan that may not be the way things work out in the long run...
I've heard this concept in yoga spoken about as living with palms open versus palms closed. Imagine you are gripping as tightly as you can onto the idea of your future... this is a game of tug-o-war and your hards are getting sore quickly. You are being dragged through sand. And in the next few moments, you begin to bleed from your legs... what if you just decided to let go? Is the idea worth holding on?
What if you were to let go, and release the rope. You now have no hold but have a palm open as you continue to work on yourself and pour love into yourself, before prioritizing others.
Imagine what opportunities may float into your open hand? Imagine the feelings in your body and mind that may surface with this was of living?
There is power in surrender.
This is your sign to release the worry + stress.
Take a few minutes to drop into the body using a grounding breathing practice (this is “box breathing”… inhale 4 x hold for 4 x exhale 4 x hold for 4). Grab a journal or piece of paper. Read the following questions and answer as you wish.
What have you been holding on to that could be released to create more space?
What does the word "control" bring up for you?
Surrender... what does it feel like in the body? ...the mind?
If you feel called you could also write out a list of things you want to surrender and burn it with intention of letting go. Then, write a prayer of releasing the outcome to repeat any time a thought surfaces that reminds you of that release.
I encourage you to check out this meditation practice for letting go. It has been super helpful for me and I hope it works for you.
As always, thanks for being here and sharing your time + space with me. If you'd like to chat about Surrender, send me message. I'd love to hear from you.
Until next time, it is Divine.
The Prayer I wrote for myself reads:
I release the outcome. I surrender the outcome to Divine will. I ask my higher self, angels, and Divine realms to step in, to intervene, and to manifest the highest + greatest good for my life, for humanity, and for ALL that is.
And, so it is.
